Oh just a Few things…

who writes a title like that? “Few Things”??? you know who? A TON OF PEOPLE!! I get emails from people all the time with the worst titles… “Just to catch you up”…catch me up with what? The final plans for the new reactor??? OHHHHHH you’re career…So strange eh? To just email people in mass about your career? Somewhere along the way (of my life) something really changed. Besides entertainment and showbiz being completely saturated and diluted it became ok to just do stuff. Really doesn’t seem to matter today whether you are good or bad at something. Its now up to the audience to just sift threw the muck to try to find good shit.

MONDAY ‘tude.

“Just a little note…I’m doing fucking great right now! I have a phone call next week with a guy a met at a party who said I could fit this type for a window commercial….I also stood behind Tim Meadows at Starbucks last month, and to be honest with you I am still shaking. Thanks for your support. My improv troop met for the third time yesterday actually. Our first performance is set to be a doozy. We will all be playing waiters at Friday’s for happy hour every day for awhile. Its a residency. (I play the guy with the little electric broom and I do some side ad libbing in the bathroom). So come and check out “Employees of TGIFridays” soon. ”

Just thought of some pretty decent pickup lines and since I can’t use em anymore I may as well share. Guaranteed to work:

“I wanna kiss away the bags under your eyes”

“Are you wearing perfume or do you farts smell that good?”

“I had a nightmare last night and I’m so scared I never want to sleep again…will you stay up forever with me?”

“Is it Arbor Day? Because someone planted a tree in my pants”

“Give me all of your money NOW!”

“You wanna get out of here? Throw dog shit at Ubers?”

“Scientists just invented the tightest knot. Crazy right? Imagine that is your life’s work? To just figure out how to make the tightest knot? Hi”


ok well have a good one. I’m working on a few things but I’ll email you about them later 🙂

Oh just a Few things…
Tagged on: